why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
