Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
