well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
