I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
