dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
