My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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