Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
