I think I am morally bankrupt
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
