you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
