Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
