She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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