very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
