Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So apparently I’m into choking now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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