is your mom at the bar?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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