I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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