just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
