Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
