That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
