Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
