Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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