Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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