every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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