after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
