Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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