My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
