i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
