do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
