I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Who died my cat blue again?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
is it fun? or sober?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
