Your mouth is God's brothel.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
