Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
