I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
