I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
