You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This house was built for laser tag.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I think i got beer on your cat.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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