The maid of honor just puked.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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