You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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