Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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