rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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