New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
