Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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