pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
