please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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