can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
my liver is dry heaving
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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