i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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