you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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