Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
