thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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