I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
