do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
