I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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