I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
