i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
