Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
