i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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